a letter to vmt

Hey, i don't know why i wanna say this now. Actually i wanna leave this all unsaid forever but i just can't. now that you heard me say it. It's been a while since the first time i thought i felt something about you. Not as i had thought before that i would never fall for my friend's ex. Hahahahaha. It's been about 1 year and half since i realized it. Do you remember when we went to the studio where i made a video with my band?? no, i haven't felt it. but it was not long after that when you finally made a relationship with your boyfriend now. i remember it was at CK when i heard about that for the first time. i didn't know how to explain it in the right way but i just know i was a kind of brokenhearted to hear that. Funny?? I think so. You didn't even tell me about that. Hahahahhaha. I never thought i would say this kind of things.
Hey, do you recognize the changes of my face when someone talks about your boyfriend with you?? Yes, mostly i'm jealous to hear that. It's not like i'm always jealous but most of time i am. Do you remember when you brought your boyfriend to watch the concert of GS and you introduced me to him?? I'm glad it was dark or you could have seen my jealous face. Do you remember when you cried about your family affair when your father got mad at your brother?? I was there but you wished someone else had been there  instead, your boyfriend. I wished i could have meant more than him to you. Do you remember when you had a fight with your boyfriend and talked about what he did, about how he could misunderstand you? i thought i could be a better boy for you then, but maybe i was wrong. I have so many bad habits that you know and you don't know that you don't like. Hahahahaha.
Now i will say this truthfully, do you remember when a friend of ours asked me if i had a feeling about you and i said yes? Actually i really wanted to say that yes, i do have feeling about you. I care about you, i want you to be happy no-matter what, i care about what you do.
And I hope this will be the last paragraph i will write here. If you ever read this, i wanna say that i care about you more than you know, and obviously more than i can say. And i think i have to end this now cuz i have missed my chance to say this to you. I don't wanna ruin your relationship (like i can, hahahha). I don't expect to be your boyfriend. it's enough to see you happy with anyone you enjoy with. ALLAH's plan is the best and the most beautiful. And at last, i wanna say i think i love you. Yes, i do. And don't tell anyone else cuz i don't even have a courage to tell you. I love you more than you can think. Thank you for everything and good bye. Have a nice life.